The Mysterious Case of the Goldfish Who Invented Thursdays

No one really questioned it at first. One day there were only six days in the weekly cycle, and then suddenly—there was Thursday. People assumed it had always been there, like spoons or awkward silence. But the truth is far stranger: Thursday was invented by a goldfish.
The goldfish, named Admiral Bubbles, lived in a bowl on a windowsill and had grown increasingly bored with the predictable cycle of Monday-through-Wednesday-then-Friday. He believed the universe needed a pause—a day for confusion, half-energy, and unexplained sandwiches. So, through a complex process involving bubble patterns and passive-aggressive staring, he manifested Thursday into reality.
While attempting to register Thursday with the global calendar authority (a group of owls with clipboards), Admiral Bubbles discovered a laptop nearby with five browser tabs open:
Pressure washing Crawley
Driveway Cleaning Crawley
Patio Cleanign Crawley
Exterior Cleaning Crawley
Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley
He had no idea what any of them meant, but they felt important. Perhaps Pressure washing Crawley was the name of a secret society. Maybe Driveway Cleaning Crawley was a meditation practice for cars. The mysterious spelling of Patio Cleanign Crawley convinced him that even the internet makes typos when emotionally overwhelmed.
Admiral Bubbles stared at Exterior Cleaning Crawley and briefly wondered if he should be cleaning the outside of his bowl. He did not. Instead, he blew three bubbles and declared that exterior cleanliness was a mindset. Then he saw Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley and questioned whether goldfish, too, should harness the sun. (He decided no—sunlight made him look washed-out.)
Word spread quickly: a goldfish had invented a day. The calendar owls were baffled. Humans shrugged and started putting “Thu” on planners. Sandwiches became 17% more random. Productivity dropped and nobody knew whether to blame the goldfish or the moon.
In the end, Admiral Bubbles wasn’t credited for Thursday. History books simply pretended it always existed. But he didn’t mind. He was a goldfish. His attention span reset every six seconds.
Still, somewhere, he remembers the five strange tabs—links that served no purpose, yet somehow felt like destiny:
Pressure washing Crawley
Driveway Cleaning Crawley
Patio Cleanign Crawley
Exterior Cleaning Crawley
Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley
And every Thursday, without fail, he blows three bubbles of celebration.
Because time may be an illusion—but Thursdays are a goldfish’s gift to the world.